Every relationship has stages whether it is a marriage, friendship, business partnership or parents and mentoring is the same.

Since mentoring is usually a manufactured relationship (in a school setting) where a student needs to be mentored but may not want to be or the school desires to develop a mentoring programme, i.e. for all year 11’s etc. So the start and framing of the mentoring relationship is key.

Here are the 3 stages that I have used time and time again to train mentors, teachers and volunteers. For greater understanding I have broken it down into characters and phases.

The first phase is: familiarisation and rapport building – character “Florence Nightingale” Style – caring.

Florence Nightingale, 12 May 1820 – 13 August 1910) was a celebrated English social reformer and statistician, and the founder of modern nursing. She came to prominence while serving as a nurse during the Crimean War, where she tended to wounded soldiers. She was known as “The Lady with the Lamp” after her habit of making rounds at night.

The Nightingale phase is about making your mentee aware that you care and that you truly desire to see them become better (not just their grades). This enables them to feel that there is someone who cares for them and that helps.

This phase is essential to build a robust mentoring relationship, as it is to build a foundation for a house. This develops trust, empathy, openness and understanding.

The second phase of mentoring relationship development is: discovery, exploration and investigation – character “Columbo” style – inquisitive.

Columbo is an American detective mystery television series (1968–1978, 1989–2003), starring Peter Falk as Columbo, a homicide detective.

The title character is a friendly, verbose, disheveled police detective who is consistently underestimated by his suspects, who are initially reassured and distracted by his circumstantial speech, then increasingly irritated by his pestering behavior. Despite his unprepossessing appearance and apparent absentmindedness, he shrewdly solves all of his cases and secures all evidence needed for conviction.

This stage takes great skill and is very necessary for students who need to reinvent themselves beyond the existing stigmas that they may have. The role of Columbo is for the mentor to operate with a perceptive naivety as Columbo does, in essence acting like they know less than they actually do. This enables the mentee to share as the mentor allows the conversation to flow without judging, criticising or overly correcting, enabling the mentee to feel free to talk as they feel listened to so you can build a greater rapport.

The third phase of mentoring relationship development is: corrective, aspirant and challenging – “d’artagnan” Style – confrontational.

Charles Ogier de Batz de Castelmore, Comte d’Artagnan1611 – 25 June 1673 served Louis XIV as captain of the Musketeers of the Guard and died at the Siege of Maastricht in the Franco-Dutch War. Most famously he was recognised as the 4th Musketeer.

D’Artagnan’s role among the Musketeers is one of leadership (his skills and brains impress the musketeers greatly), but he is also regarded as a sort of protégé given his youth and inexperience. The musketeers (especially Athos) see him not only as a best friend and fellow musketeer (despite his initial job as a guard) but also as a son. They are very protective of him, though they usually let him take care of himself like the others.

In this phase of the mentoring relationship it is time for dueling and helping the mentee to address some of their behaviour and attitudes that’s hindering their progress.

This activity is most effective during this phase of the relationship because the mentor has already exhibited care for the mentee from Nightingale and a willingness to listen and be accepting from Columbo so now the mentor is able to positively challenge with home truths.

It’s time for the mentee to look at some aspects of themselves that may not be obvious to them but is to others but at the same time also uncomfortable to personally address.

With your strength of relationship and earned connection this enables dueling to happen without the mentee disengaging before the objective is achieved. This takes time but is achievable.

Conclusion:
All three stages of mentoring relationships are critical and once all have been developed the mentor with skill can interchange between all when necessary.

I hope that this has given you some insight into how to go about developing robust mentoring relationships.

Happy Mentoring

Images and background information of all characters: Wikipedia